The treasure he stole from her
by dramioneloverxxxx
Summary: She's empty, broken, a stranger in her battered body. Until she meets him. Will he be enough to save her from herself? Dramione, Bad Victor, Harry/Ginny, Ron/Lavender also present. Trigger warnings for rape and attempted suicide
1. I'm ao fucking stupid

_Authors comment – Hey guys! Thank you so much for reading this story! The events in this fic are based on some shit that happened to me with an old boyfriend of mine, I've even used quotes from my diary in places. Please do feel free to give me suggestions or any feedback at all! Hope you enjoy! Xxx_

_**Chapter 1 – I'm so fucking stupid**_

_I'm so fucking stupid_

That was the thought that was racing through her mind

_I'm so fucking stupid_

Why had she come here? What was she doing? Why wouldn't he stop

_I'm so fucking stupid_

This is my own fault, I should have seen this coming, I'm so fucking stupid…

**AN HOUR EARLIER**

Hermione Granger was standing in front of the mirror, finally happy with what she saw.

It had taken her the best part of an hour to put together this look, but it was worth it. The skirt was perfectly grazing her upper thigh, suggestively. The checked shirt slightly open, hinting but not bearing all. She wanted to look special, she wanted him to be stunned when he saw her.

She paired the look with a pair of simple black ballet flats and the special bracelet she had received from her parents for her 16th birthday. She was so excited to see him; she had missed him these last few weeks.

One final check over…and Hermione was ready to go.

-/-

Driving down the winding roads, she could hardly contain her excitement and joy.

She hadn't seen him for 3 weeks! 3 long weeks! There wasn't a minute that went by where she hadn't thought of him, she adored him.

They hadn't been dating long, well not when you factored in the actual time they had been able to spend together. Viktor was often away; training, playing in a game or visiting his parents. This time he had been taking part in a vigorous training scheme, put together by his, rather demanding, coach.

They had only been on four real dates, but with each one Hermione found herself becoming more infatuated with the tall surly quidditch player. There was something about him. The way he looked at her, with that steady, stern stare, that invited her in and made her want to take a closer look, to explore the puzzle further.

As she finally pulled up outside the house he was renting, she took a minute to compose herself.

Hermione checked her watch, 11:56, she had four minutes. Viktor wasn't a fan of earliness, or tardiness, he liked everything to be perfectly timed.

11:57, she gathered her things and began hurrying up the immense driveway.

Being a man of wealth, Viktor couldn't rent a simple cottage for his time in the UK. He had to rent, what Hermione thought of as, a small mansion!

The winding driveway was lined with trees, she could hear water running from the fountain she knew to be in the back garden.

12:00, she reached the double doors and rang the bell next to them.

The door creaked open, revealing the immaculate Viktor Krum.

He was dressed in a simple button-down shirt and black jeans, but even in these he looked impressive, tall and dark as he was.

'Hermoninny, pervectly on time I see, enter'

As Hermione crossed the threshold, she marvelled (as she did every time) at the beauty of the place.

The floor was white venetian marble. The walls a calming shade of grey. Large windows looked on to the beautiful green gardens, as Victor lead Hermione through to the large sitting room.

They both sat down on a large brown sofa and caught up on each other's business from the past few weeks.

After hearing about Viktor's long hours training in varying degrees of bad weather, Hermione suggested that they relax and watch a film. Viktor agreed and finally they both decided on Romeo and Juliet.

She was happy, she thought, as they snuggled up on the sofa. Finally, happy. She never thought she would feel this way after Ron had gotten together with Lavender Brown. Everyone had been so shocked, plain little Hermione Granger and an international quidditch star? It couldn't be possible! It had even made the papers, she remembered with a chuckled, 'Seeker star with golden trio bookworm?'

She was ripped away from this thought by an odd sensation. Victor was pulling down her underwear and creeping his hand closer to her nether regions.

'Oh, no Viktor darling' she protested politely, as he began massaging her dry opening, they certainly had never done this before!

'Vat is wrong with you, Hermioninny? You are not pleased so see me after so long?'

'N-no of course not darling its nothing!' She quickly stuttered in reply, not wanting to offend him 'I'm just tired that's all' she said sweetly, trying to pull his hand away

But he was stronger than her and her pulling seemed to have no impact. She began to panic, her mind racing fast. He was her boyfriend, she liked him but she just wasn't ready for this. It was too soon, too rushed

'Viktor, darling, please stop' Hermione cried in panic, the feeling of his nails scratching again her opening was starting to hurt

'Don't be prude Hermioninny!' He growled, with a rage that both shocked and shook her to her core

'Please please stop' she begged continuously

But he ignored her cries and a flash of pain shot through her as he stuck two fingers inside her bone-dry pussy

She felt a tear trickle down her cheek. She felt sick, why wasn't he listening? What was going on?

She realised with a flash of horror, that the sounds of her tears were causing him pleasure as she felt his member become hard against her thigh

What could she do? Regret filled her as she thought of her wand in the car outside. He was pinning her arms down now with his free hand, holding them above her head

Gasping in pain as his ministrations inside her caused her to draw blood, the reality of what was going to happen next came crashing down around her and she felt her heart quickening as the panic came to a head inside her

And then she was numb. Floating above the scene. An unfeeling stranger in her own body. The detachment was a welcome escape from the panic and terror of a moment before, her thoughts foggy and faint. Her mind was as blank as the white tile she was gazing at on the floor.

She continued to stare at this tile as she heard the sound of his zipper, as she heard his trouser fall, as she felt him push into her

She heard herself cry out without seeming to make the sound herself

It was like she was dead, floating above the scene, a mere spectator, a ghost

She watched her body as it shook in pain and fear, she watched the tears dripping down her face without seeming to feel any of them

Blood was trickling from the small indentations from his nails as he gripped her hips tightly, slamming into her as hard as he could

Hearing a loud groan issuing from Victors lips, she realised that it must be finally over. He was done with her

But even after he had exited her she found she couldn't move, the numb sensation still enveloping her

Hermione lay in silence as she saw him redress and resume watching the film out of the corner of her eye, one thought bold in her mind

_I'm so fucking stupid_


	2. If I could turn back time

_**Chapter 2 – If I could turn back time**_

Draco jumped as he awoke from a particularly gruesome nightmare. He wasn't sure if the sheen coating his face was sweat or tears.

He glanced at the clock on his bedside table, 5 am… he had managed 3 hours of sleep. Knowing he wasn't going to get anymore; he swung his long legs out of bed and began to dress for the day.

_How did I get here?_ – was the thought pulsing through his mind

_How did I let it get this bad?_

If anyone had bothered to ask Draco how his life compared now to that before the war, they would have been met with a baffled silence.

His life before hadn't exactly been roses and cupcakes. His father had been cold and abusive, all Draco had wanted, in the whole world, was to please his father. It was his greatest ambition. It seemed the harder he tried, however, the more of a disappointment he became. It had taken him years to realise that this one thing he wanted above all else, was one of the only things he would never be able to have. That was the moment that Draco had truly grown up.

The nightmares weren't new to Draco, he had had nightmares all his life. Life with Lucius Malfoy gave a small boy a lot of material to work with. Whether it was his mother's screams of fear, late at night when Draco was meant to be sleeping, or his own tears of terror as each new disappoint was met with a kick or a punch. No, it wasn't the nightmares that tormented him, it was the subjects. It was easier to manage when the subject of his nightmares was himself, he was nothing, he was worthless, he deserved it. Hearing the screams of the innocent weighed on his heart and halted his brief rest.

In his rightful mind he knew that it wasn't his fault, the court-ordered therapy had taught him that. He had been a kid, forced and bullied into watching these horrific acts by an abusive father and a creature so vile he couldn't even describe him as human. But when the flashbacks came, and he was forced to relive it over and over again, he always felt a sense of shame, a sense of defeat, why didn't he do something? Anything. Was he really so pathetic? Reliving the death of Professor Burbage told him yes. Reliving the death of Professor Dumbledore told him yes. Reliving the torture of Granger, in his own living room, not only told him yes but often had him running to the bathroom to lose his dinner in disgust.

He missed his mother. It was her death that hurt him the most. He had known that she wouldn't last long in Azkaban. The dementors would have too much material to work with. Potter, Weasley and Granger had vouched for her in court, told the jury of her lie to Lord Voldemort that saved Potter's life. Unfortunately, it hadn't been enough. Narcissa's previous service and her longing only to save her son, not the cause, counted against her. She hadn't lived through a month of her sentence; Draco had known she wouldn't. He had visited her every day, watching her wither further and further until he could reach her no longer. He had been allowed to hold her one last time while she died, that was the ministry's only mercy. Crouched in a cold dark cell, the chill of dementors surrounding him, Narcissa Malfoy had died in the arms of her precious son. It was this that haunted him. Seeing the woman who had always been so strong, so grand and elegant, reduced to a weak, crying, old woman. So afraid until finally she was free.

At the time Draco had longed for a similar end, but none had come. Thanks to the testaments of Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom and half the Hogwarts faculty, his sentence had included court ordered therapy and two months of community service. That was it. They hadn't stripped him of his wealth, the only time he had seen the inside of Azkaban was to visit his mother, it wasn't right.

The idea of returning to Malfoy Manor, the scene of many of his night terrors, had horrified him, so instead he had sold all the land and bought a flat in muggle London. Although he had donated much of his inheritance to charity, he was still encumbered with a filthy amount of wealth but he would not spend it. He would not spend his father blood money, it was abandoned in a vault at Gringotts, never to be touch. His personal fortune was enough to keep him living comfortably.

The one thing his fortune could not buy him was companionship. He had never had true friends. Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy had just been children of fellow deatheaters that he had had allegiances with. The rest of Slytherin house had been too terrified of their prince even to look him in the eye, never mind partake in a friendly conversation with him. With his reputation and pride stripped from him he officially had nobody left. He had taken to hanging around in muggle bars alone in the hopes of finding someone to shed him of his loneliness for a night or two. This filled the gaping hole in his chest for a few hours, but it did not give him what he truly desired above all else. A true friend. Someone to trust, someone to confide in, someone who would not judge or patronise, but just listen and who he could listen to in return. But, alas, he was Draco Malfoy. Who in their right mind would confide in him?


	3. The eternal scream

_Authors note: Hi! I just wanted to say a quick thank you to the people that have favourited and followed my story and a MASSIVE thank you to the two people that have reviewed! I can tell you how much it means to me to have this story (that started off as a silly therapeutic thing for me) praised and validated by you guys! I also want to apologise for the shortness of this chapter. I found the sensations and emotions really difficult to discuss and I'm so sorry if I didn't do it justice! I love you all to pieces and I really hope you continue to enjoy! _

_**Chapter 3- The eternal scream**_

People always think that the worst part about being raped is the act itself. The pain, the humiliation, the fear. Once that's over you are free to move on with your life, right?

Hermione could tell those people that they could not be more wrong. It had been exactly a week since that soul torching day at Viktor's, and everyday felt like another war.

She hadn't cried, not once, she was too numb to cry. In fact, she could not recall feeling any sort of emotion following her attack. His penis had been a sword that cut feeling from her body the second it had entered her.

The days passed by like minutes, most without her ever leaving her bed. She hadn't eaten, she didn't feel hungry. She hadn't slept, she didn't feel tired.

Her friends didn't seem concerned, none of them had barged down the door trying to find her, nobody had so much as knocked. Alas, it wasn't uncommon for Hermione's friends not to hear from her for weeks on end. Normally it was due to her being wrapped up in some sort of project or attached to her couch ploughing through a novel. But the solitude was doing nothing for Hermione's mental state

_Does nobody care? Am I this alone in the world? Who would notice if I disappeared?_

-/-

Hermione would never remember the journey back from Viktor's house. She would never remember getting back into her house. She would never remember the scream that had left her lips when she had closed the front door with a slam.

It was a terrible scream. The kind of scream that seemed to go on for an eternity. The kind that was painfully ripped from the gut of the unfortunate soul it was coming from.

She would never remember lying on the floor by her front door, after she had finally been able to scream no longer, rocking back and forth. She would never know how hard she had scrubbed her skin as she showered, blood forming like tiny rain drops on her skin as she tried, in vain, to remove the skin that had been touched by him, the skin that had been hurt and bruised by him.

The only thing Hermione would remember of those first few days was the crushing emptiness that had filled her, that had whisked away feeling and chased the air from her lungs.

In her few sentient moments Hermione thought that she could understand how it felt to be a ghost. Seeing but not feeling, aware but unable to change, lost and never to be found.

The emptiness ached inside her, the scream burning to be released as she slipped back into the comforting nothingness, the silence and the peace, ignoring the eternal scream raging in her reality.


	4. Alone in a crowded room

_**Chapter 4 - Alone in a crowded room**_

_I suppose I should be grateful_

_I am nothing _

_I am nobody_

_Why should they care?_

Hermione was sat, stirring her drink with her straw, gazing around the busy bar. Ginny, Harry, Lavender and Ron were all chatting busily around her, completely oblivious to the bushy haired witch's discomfort.

Anyone who took a long look at her could have seen it. The darting eyes, the startled expression and the constant fidgeting. They would have noticed that Hermione had, had twice the amount to drink of anyone else. But none of her companions had given her a long look, being too immersed in each other and their excited discussions of the future to spare her a second thought. They had got her out, they had done enough.

Of course, getting her out in the first place had been no small feat. After four declined invitations, Ginny Potter had lost her patience and turned up on her doorstep. That was how Hermione had ended up in this muggle bar, she was too weak to argue with an impassioned and determined Ginny, especially one who was so resolute on getting Hermione out and about for the night.

So there Hermione sat. Feeling the busy chatter around her wash over her like a wave. Oblivious to the many conversations happening around her. She sat like that for hours, but she was barely conscious of time passing. The numbness seemed to not to have possessed her body, but everything passing her. The only thing she was conscious of was an awareness. An awareness of every person who entered the bar, an awareness of every person who glanced her way. She noted them in her mind, unconsciously, almost as if assessing a threat.

An eternity seemed to have passed when finally, Hermione was shaken from her stupor.

'Hermione?' It was Ginny, she and Harry had stood up and were looking at her expectantly

'Sorry Gin I was in a world of my own' Hermione quickly muttered, 'Where are Ron and Lavender?'

'They went home about half an hour ago?' Ginny answered, looking concerned, 'We're going to head home too, it's getting late, do you want us to walk you home?'

The idea of returning to her empty home filled Hermione with dread. 'No no thanks' she replied quickly 'I think I'll stay a bit longer'. So shrugging their shoulders, with a wave and a hug, Ginny and Harry left.

Watching them leave she wondered why they hadn't said anything, she hadn't spoken all evening, hadn't anyone noticed? Didn't anybody care?

_I suppose I should be grateful_

_I am nothing _

_I am nobody_

_Why should they care?_

-/-

Sipping his scotch on his bar stool, Draco was hit with the irony of his situation. He had, had to get out of that apartment. It had all been too much that night. Thoughts of his mother, thoughts of Dumbledore, thoughts of everything were swirling around his mind. Every chair reminded him of his mother sitting in the parlour reading a book, every glass reminded him of her drinking a glass of wine as she read him a bedtime story, even the darkness reminded him of the darkness in the cell that night as he had held her close, watching her take her final breath. The irony was that, with all his horrors and distresses being linked to the magical world, he had run to the muggle world for comfort.

This wasn't uncommon. Draco often visited this little spot when he needed a moment to himself. Sometimes to drink his sorrows away or sometimes to find someone to make him forget, just for a night.

Looking up from his drink, Draco saw a sight that almost made him fall off his chair. Swaying on her stool, skinny and pale, a wild array of empty glasses in front of her, was none other than Hermione Granger.

Before he knew what he was doing, he was getting up and heading over towards the empty bar stool next to her. He had no idea what possessed him to do it. His torment of Granger was one of the things that tortured him most. His constant and never-ending bullying of the poor girl, of her 'dirty' blood. Well, having seen it spilling out over his drawing room carpet, Draco could confirm that there was in fact not dirty at all. It had been red, just red. The sight haunted Draco, the red spillage seeping across his carpet chilled him in a way he had only associated with Dementors. Knowing all of this, why were his feet still moving?

She looked up startled as he sat down, staring at him in terror. He was shocked and relieved to see the fear leave her face as she recognised who he was. She simply stared at him for a minute and then in a most un-Granger-like fashion, she didn't say a word to him, merely nodding and going back to staring into space. He decided to follow her lead and began stirring his drink once again.

As they sat there in silence, former enemies, side by side, each in their own world, each of them felt a tiny bit safer.

-/-

A strange thing happened the next few days for both Hermione and Draco.

No matter what had happened during the day, how bad or alone they felt, they both found themselves back at that bar every night; sat in silence, side by side.

Although both of them were aware of how strange this new habit was, it seemed normal, familiar. For Hermione, it seemed to be the only thing in her day that brought her anything but numbness or despair. For Draco, the companionship, without questions or pretence, lifted some of the heaviness that had seemed to settle in his chest these last few years.

After a week or so, Draco had notices somethings about his ex-tormentee. Things that honestly scared him.

For as long as Draco had known Granger, she had a always had a spark, passion, a fire burning behind her eyes. It was the fire he had seen throughout every argument and fight. Even when Bellatrix had been torturing her on the floor, he had still seen that resilient fire as she swore she knew nothing about the sword. But, to Draco's horror, in the time since they had last seen eachother, something seemed to have distinguished that fire. The Hermione Granger Draco knew was never one to sit silent, especially with her ex-death eater bully sat right next to her, but watching her now, it was like all the fight was gone from her and this terrified Draco. If Hermione Granger had lost her fight, her spark, her fire, everyone should be terrified.

It was this thought that led Draco to deviate from their usual routine of silence. It was two weeks since he had first sat next to her and he found that he could stay quiet no longer.

They were sat together, drinking their drinks and thinking to themselves when Draco finally found his power of speech.

'Granger' he muttered, so quietly that Hermione thought she had misheard at first, she turned to him in surprise, she had never expected him to speak to her, especially with such gentle carefulness in his voice.

'Granger, I-I know this is weird' he stuttered, not quite knowing what he was planning or wanting to say, 'I just, look, I just need you to know that I'm sorry, for everything, ok?'

Hermione considered him for a minute, stunned at his sudden speech. She searched his eyes for a tell, some evidence of a lie or a joke, but she found none. Instead she saw his sincerity in his furrowed brow, she saw how much it had taken for him to say that to her

'Ok' she nodded, and she went back to staring at her drink, she couldn't manage anymore

'Granger' she looked up, 'Just-just one more thing. I've noticed some stuff these past couple of weeks' She looked startled 'It's ok, I'm not saying you have to talk to me or anything but I just want you to know that, if you ever wanted to, or needed someone, I'm here, next to you' he finished with a small smile.

She didn't know how to react to that. She nodded quickly and went back to staring at her drink, her thoughts whirling. How was it that with all the people she interacted with, her friends, her colleagues, it was him that said something. How could it be that the boy who had watched her bleed out on his living room floor, was the one who noticed her pain, who spoke to her about it, who tried to offer comfort, to make amends. How was it that the boy she had spent her whole childhood hating was becoming the person she felt most comfortable with in her adulthood. What was happening?


	5. Chipping away the ice

_**Chapter 5 – Chipping away the ice**_

The next few weeks passed almost monotonously for Draco and Hermione. Only one aspect of their day gave them any feeling, meeting at the bar, drinking side-by-side. They hadn't spoken a word to each other since Draco's apology.

While Hermione rarely even acknowledged him, simply staring into space, Draco had spent most of these nights watching her, trying to figure it out. Why would the Gryffindor Princess, angel and darling of the wizarding world, girlfriend of one of the most celebrated quidditch stars of their generation and member of the golden trio, want to spend her evening drinking next to him? She had everything he didn't; friends, family, a lover, wouldn't she prefer to spend her time with them rather than the boy who tortured her at school? Surely something would have to be very wrong for her to choose to spend her nights here.

It was that last statement that bothered Draco the most. He wasn't stupid. He had seen the way her clothes hung more and more loosely on her every time they met. He had noticed the dark circles under her eyes. He saw the way she jumped when anyone would accidentally touch her. Something was obviously very very wrong indeed. Too wrong for the Weaslette, the boy who lived or the ginger twat. Too wrong for Krum or her parents.

Despite the dark cloud that seemed to hang over her, it was refreshing to see her every day. It added a touch of humanity to his lonely existence. Ironically, even though they never spoke, she was now the closest thing to a friend he really had. He spent all day looking forward to their meetings and every time she walked through the door, he felt a piece of the ice around his heart fade away.

-/-

It was a Tuesday morning when Draco finally decided he was going to ask her. He couldn't keep quiet anymore. He had to know what was bothering her so deeply. The question had been keeping him awake, his war nightmares replaced with dreams of her pale blank expression, almost screaming for help. He knew it was none of his business, but he couldn't take it anymore!

He got to the bar earlier than usual, wanting to have a few extra drinks for courage before she arrived. As usual their usual seats sat waiting for them, and he plonked himself down on the left on (as had become "his" seat) and waited.

Exactly 67 minutes later (he counted), Hermione arrived. Her tiny frame swallowed by a baggy blue jumper and thick jeans. She walked over to the bar and sat down next to him without a word.

He waited a few minutes for her to have her first drink and settle, then he started carefully.

'Granger?' his voice was soft, full of doubt and uncertainty

'What Draco?' he was surprised she bother to reply, let alone use his first name

'What's going on with you?' he awaked tentatively

'What's going on with me?' she repeated, the confusion in her voice evident

'Yeah, you know, how's life? What's going on with you? How's Krum?' He was shocked to see her wince at his name, weren't they together?

'He and I aren't together anymore' she muttered quickly, ignoring the first two questions

So that was why? No, it couldn't be. Granger was never one to be hung up on men. When her and the Ginger broke up, he saw her out shopping with the Weaslette, laughing, the very next day! Had they really been that in love? Or was there something more going on?

'Ahh, so that's why you are out here drinking with me?' he probed, knowing he was pushing his luck

She ignored him, returning to staring at her glass. Something about the mention of Krum had shaken her. She looked frightened and somehow smaller, like she wanted to disappear into thin air.

'What is it that you do now?' he wanted to change the subject, get rid of whatever had made her look like that. She looked up at him, fully facing him for the first time.

'I work for the ministry' She started, hesitantly 'In the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures'

'How very Granger of you' he teased with a wink 'Didn't you have some weird society in school about hugging goblins or something?'

'The Society for the Protection of Elfish Welfare was not about hugging goblins!' she snapped back, some of the fire coming back into her eyes. 'It was about protecting elves from slavery!'

'Bet Weasley was traumatised, all his precious food disappearing!'

They continued this way for the rest of the night, teasing, laughing, reminiscing about Hogwarts, until it was time to go.

Draco stayed with her until her taxi arrived, insisting that he didn't mind the cold and didn't want her apparating while drunk.

He helped her into her seat and gave the driver enough for a ride home and a more than sufficent tip. Before he closed the door and let her go, he took one last look at her.

'Granger. I know you don't want to talk about it, but whatever it is, I know you can get through it'

With that he shut the door and the cab drove off, not giving her time to respond.

-/-

Hermione sat in the back of the cab completely flabbergasted.

She couldn't believe the evening she had just had.

She had just sat and chatted...with Draco Malfoy... Draco... Malfoy. Not only had they chatted, but he seemed to really care about her, he wanted to know what was going on. He noticed.

She couldn't believe that out of everyone she knew it was Malfoy...Draco motherfucking Malfoy, who bothered to notice her misery. Nobody else had said anything, Ginny and Harry were too busy in their bliss and Ron and Lavender rarely paid attention to anyone other than themselves. No, it was him; the boy who bullied her for years, the boy who let the Deatheaters into Hogwarts, the boy who watched Bellatrix torture her on his floor.

Even as she stumbled through her front door, she was still puzzling this issue, not noticing the sealed envelope that was lying on her welcome mat.

-/-

Where the hell is she? It was 9, they always met at 7, where is she?

He gazed around the bar for the millionth time. Hoping to see her bushy hair weaving its way through the crowds towards him or coming out of the bathroom.

Even the bartender had noticed 'Your girlfriend off somewhere else tonight mate?' he had asked with a grin.

Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

Maybe she was ill? Maybe she was busy? Maybe she was uncomfortable that they had spoken the night before? No, she had laughed, she had been happy. Something wasn't right and he was going to find out what it was.


	6. No

_Hey angels, just wanted to warn you about the scene coming up! I know its short but I really hope I've done it justice, I've never written a scene like this before. If you have any suggestions or improvements do let me know! Also thank you for your amazing reviews! It honestly warms my heart! I will be updating a lot given the current situation! Nothing to do in self-isolation but write!_

_***TRIGGER WARNING! SUICIDE! SUICIDAL THOUGHTS! PLEASE BE SAFE PEOPLE! * **_

_**Chapter 6 – No**_

No

No

No

No

No

Please

No

Every inch of Hermione's body was shaking. She was huddled on the floor, arms hugging her knees.

She had been so stupid, so busy trying to forget that she hadn't remembered.

Had she really thought she could just ghost him?

How stupid...how fucking stupid

She looked to where she had thrown the letter, and crawled over to read it again

_Hermione,_

_I have not been hearing from you in long time. This is how you treat me? Your boyfriend? You have been off with other man? I hope not Hermione because I will be finding out and there will be consequences!_

_You will meet me next week on Saturday, at twelve, at my house. You will come ready to make me forget how bad you treat me. _

_Yours,_

_Viktor_

Fresh tears fell at this second reading and her breath was coming out in short gasps. What was she going to do?

She couldn't see him again, the very thought of it made vomit bubble in her throat and she ran to the kitchen sink to get rid of it.

How could she have been so stupid? How could she have thought she could just move on? She was his. She belonged to him. He would always find her.

NO

She couldn't, she couldn't have a life like that. A life filled with more pain. But what could she do? There was nobody to help her, nobody to save her.

Harry, Ron and Ginny adored Viktor; he was their hero just as he had been hers. Her parents were distant, not really understanding the crazy world their daughter was living in. She had no-one else. She was alone, alone in the world.

She tugged at her hair as she cried, almost ripping it out, but it wasn't enough to subdue her, it wasn't enough to get her to feel.

They were better off without her. Free to live their lives in happiness, without having to hear her complaining, free not to worry about her anymore or try so hard to include her. She was just hurting them.

Not once did her mind stray to the blond waiting for her in the bar. She was too distraught, too hysterical to even remember his name.

Would anybody even notice? How long would it be before somebody found her tired body? Would they cry at the funeral? Sure. But they would quickly move on from her drama.

She tried to imagine a future, a day where she was free and happy, but she couldn't. All she saw was darkness. All she saw was pain. All she saw was nothingness.

A numb calm washed over her. A light buzz filling the space where her thoughts had just been. She felt empty, tired but energised for the first time in months.

She walked unsteadily to the bathroom. The white tiles seemed to mock her with their clean shine. She picked up her razor from the side of the bath and studied the blades almost indifferently.

The razor felt cool against her skin, almost comforting. The sharp pain of the deep cut she had just made made her scream out in pain. It hurt, it really hurt, but she couldn't stop.

She sank to the floor, watching the red glide over the white. The pain was fading now and the buzzing was spreading to her ears. She smiled as the darkness began to take over.

And that's how Draco found her.

_**Just wanted to add a little something after this intense chapter. Anyone reading this going through something, or even not going through something; you can do this. **__**This world needs you**__**; I know it doesn't feel like it sometimes, I know it feels like nobody cares but you cannot know the impact you have on people. **__**Your light shines brighter than you know and without it the world would dim**__**. If anyone needs someone to talk to, anonymously or otherwise, my pm's are always open for you all. xxx**_


	7. A faint little drum

_**Chapter 7 – A faint little drum**_

SHIT

SHIT

SHIT

Draco stared at the girl on the bathroom floor. Her toffee curls, wild as ever, framed her face like a lion, contrasting with the stark white of her colourless skin. The scarlet red blood had created little pools at her wrists and was slowly gushing across the floor.

Apart of him died when he opened that door. The last part of his innocence. The part of him that still longed for his mother's touch, to feel her warmth around him, keeping him safe and making him whole. That childlike optimism was gone.

He had no idea what to fucking do

He had been banging on her door for ages, when he heard her cry out, he knew he had to break in, but she had so many bloody protective charms on the place it had taken him ages.

He needed to act, he needed to do something

Lunging towards her, he fumbled at her neck, desperately trying to find a heartbeat

He waited

A tiny beat drummed faintly against his fingertips, so small he could have imagined it

That was enough for Draco, he gathered her in his arms and apparated on the spot, twisting into nothingness.

-/-

He started screaming the moment he landed in St Mungo's. Her dead weight dragging him to the ground.

'HELP PLEASE SOMEONE HELP PLEASE, SHE IS DYING HELP' he yelled hysterically, totally unaware of the tears streaming down his face.

Healers ran towards them, firing questions at him

'What happened?'

'Did she do this to herself?'

'How long has she been unconscious?'

'How long ago did she do it?'

He stuttered answers to the questions as best he could, shaking and stumbling over his words

The healers magicked her onto a stretcher and whisked her away to an operating theatre, leaving Draco alone.

The receptionist, seeing how shocked and confused he looked, ushered him towards a nearby waiting room

'It'll be a while, pet' the old woman explained gently, pushing him into an uncomfortable armchair, 'She's in the best place she can be now. The healers will do everything they can for her, all that's left to do is wait'

Alone with his thoughts for the first time, Draco was simply in shock. His mind was in blank disbelief. The only thing circling his mind were questions; but the biggest was why? Why had she done this? What reason would the brightest witch of their age, darling of the wizarding world and best friend of Harry fucking Potter, have to do this to herself?

Had it been an accident? No Draco don't be stupid, he had seen that bathroom, he knew it had been on purpose. Had she been attacked? Coerced? What if, he thought with a shudder of horror, it had been his fault? What if his probing and bringing up the past had triggered her? He wasn't sure he would be able to live with himself if that were the case. No, this wasn't about him, it couldn't be. He had seen how miserable she had been these past few months, how thin, how frail. There had to be a reason for all of it.

That final thought was interrupted by a loud BANG as the hospital doors flew open. Draco turned in a hurry and inwardly cursed, how could he have been so stupid? Of course, Potter and his wife would have been notified.

'WHERE IS SHE?' he was yelling at the receptionist

'Sir, if you would just take a – '

'NO, I WILL NOT TAKE A BLOODY SEAT! WHERE IS SHE? WHAT'S HAPPENED?'

His face turned redder still as his eyes settled on Draco

'Him...IT'S HIM. YOU HAD SOMETHING TO WITH THIS, DIDN'T YOU MALFOY? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BEST FRIEND?' The Weaslette had his arm on his chest, trying to get him to calm down, but she wasn't succeeding

'MR POTTER' the receptionist yelled over his tirade, 'I'm afraid I cannot allow you to stand there shouting, harassing visitors, this is a hospital for crying out loud! If you would kindly follow me, I will have one of our healers explain to you what has befallen Miss Granger, but I will need you to behave calmly!'

This seemed to snap Potter out of his fury and he dejectedly followed the receptionist to another room, his wife rubbing his arm soothingly.

-/-

'She what?' Harry stammered, he couldn't believe it, it didn't seem real

'I'm sorry Mr Potter but it's true, Miss Granger was brought here about half an hour ago by Mr Malfoy after he found her having attempted her own life. I'm very sorry'

'But why?' Ginny was crying 'Why would she do something like that?'

'I'm afraid that's a question only Miss Granger can answer'

-/-

It seemed like days that Draco had been sat in that waiting room.

Potter and Weaslette had been brought in. Potter sat with his head in his hands, not moving, while Weaslette paced around, wringing her hands and rubbing her forehead.

Draco could not recall seeing The Boy who lived ever looking so scared.

Finally, the healer came in. They all stood immediately, desperate to hear some good news.

'I am glad to tell you that our surgery on Miss Granger was largely successful. We managed to repair the artery she severed and are confident that she will not suffer any nerve damage. Unfortunately, due to the depth of the cuts Miss Granger gave herself, we have been unable to remove her scarring and she will have these marks for the rest of her life. However, we are more concerned with the amount of blood she lost and of course her mental state. If it wasn't for you, Mr Malfoy, bringing her in, another five minutes and we would have lost her. We have moved her into a private room now where she is sleeping. It will now be up to Miss Granger to wake up when she is ready. If you like I can take you all to her now?'

Potter seemed unable to move, while his wife merely nodded. He was stunned, five minutes. Five minutes. Another moment of panic is all it would have taken, and Granger would be with his mother. He thanked the Gods that he had thought to go find her when he did, otherwise...no it was too awful to think about.

He followed the Potters into Hermione's room. It was small but comfortable, with three armchairs pulled up by the bed. There was a magic chart that was constantly noting her vitals. His eyes then fell on the thick bandages covering each of her tiny wrists. She was so small in the bed that she almost looked like a child. He was relieved to see a tiny shade of pink grazing her delicate cheeks, rather than the almost blue she had been when he found her.

The Potters and he took their seats beside her and just stared at her. All silently willing her to wake up and be ok.

'Draco', the shock of hearing Potter say his name nearly made him fall out of his chair

'Thank you'


	8. Please

_Hey, just wanted to write a quick message to all you angels in this current situation. I don't know about you but some days I don't feel like I can cope with this anymore. I have CROHNS which is an autoimmune disease, this means that I am cased as being high-risk to this disease. Because of this I've been quarantining for 3 and a half weeks now and let me tell y'all it's no joke. But I do it, not just to protect myself to protect the millions of other vulnerable people in this world! It is honestly making me crazy that even with all the stay in orders there are people still roaming about outside without any good reason. STAY INSIDE! All the stress and anxiety about Covid-19 and then the stress of being trapped inside with my family is something else. If anyone needs somebody to talk to about the situation or their home life or literally anything, my pm's are open. This is a literally insane time for all of us but we have to do what we can to be there for each other and support each other. Just want to reiterate again that you are so needed on this earth, ironically now more than ever. This situation can make us feel more alone than we ever have, but in our hearts, we are not! We are team and we will get through this together; and you are a crucial member of that team! Never forget it!_

_Sorry for the rant! I hope you enjoy the next instalment! xx_

_**Chapter 8 – Please**_

It had been three days and Draco hadn't left Hermione's side, not once.

He hadn't showered, he hadn't changed his clothes, he had barely eaten. He refused to leave the beautiful brunette witch, fighting for her life in the bed next to him.

Potter and his wife, who was called Ginny he had learned, had spent all day with them, but at nights they had to go back to their adopted son, his cousin Teddy. Weasley and his girlfriend had also made regular visits, but Draco hardly noticed them. He didn't hear them when they talked. His sole focus was spent willing Hermione to come back to him and pleading with the Gods to permit his request.

He figured Potter must have explained the situation to Weasley because he had not screamed at him as Potter had done, he had merely pulled up a chair beside him and sat in horror, staring at his broken best friend.

It was the silence that bothered Draco the most. Nobody seemed to know what to say. Occasionally someone would ask if the others wanted a drink or food but that was the only time Draco heard noise.

The day before, Mrs Weasley had visited. She had brought sandwiches and a flask of pumpkin juice. He was shocked when he found himself being handed a plate with a beef sandwich on it, a gentle smile on the old woman's face. She showed no malice, no resentment for his part in the death of her son and her friends, only kindness and warmth. She had made sure everyone was fed, placed a kiss on Hermione's forehead and then announced that she was going back to look after Teddy and Harry and Ginny could leave him with her for as long as they wanted.

The mentions to his young cousin had completely thrown him. He had of course known of his existence due to Voldemort referencing his parents from time to time to taught Bella, but he had never really giving his living situation or his growth any thought. By Draco's estimation he would be about two now, maybe three depending on when he was born, Draco wasn't quite sure. He wondered what he looked like. It seemed strange to him that Potter, his old enemy, was raising his cousin, his relative, his blood. But it's not like it was any of Draco's business, Draco had never even met his aunt before she died and he had only seen Teddy's parents, briefly, in battle. He wondered if, one day, Potter would permit Draco to meet Teddy. Probably not, but maybe when...if Granger woke up, she would speak on his behalf?

That 'if' sent a shiver running down his spine as he was brought back to reality. Granger wasn't really in a position for family reunions right now, and that certainly wasn't going to be a priority going forward. No, Draco was going to do everything he could to help this girl. He didn't care If that meant socialising with Weasel and Potter, all he cared about was her. He realised in that moment that there was nothing he wouldn't do to help her, no ask too big, no cost to great, she could have his fortune for all he cared, he just wanted, no needed, her to get better.

It was strange, feeling so strongly about someone you used to hate so much. It wasn't even really as if they were that close. But Draco felt closer, sitting with her in silence at the bar, than he had ever felt with anyone in his life. They understood each other, without words.

He quickly realised, looking around the room that he and Granger were alone. The Potters must have gone home for the night without him noticing. Curling up in his chair, he gave Granger one last look before closing his eyes. A little nap wouldn't hurt.

-/-

Hermione felt weird. Like she was floating in darkness. Sometimes she thought she heard a voice, but it was gone before she could identify it. It was oddly cold here, and a little lonely.

She had no sense of time in this little world, no concept of reality or sense of self. She just felt numb.

It was odd, feeling nothing. She was confused to notice that she didn't like it, it didn't bring the comfort that she had always thought it would. She just felt, empty, like there was an aching cavity in her chest.

The first sensation that startled her was a deep pain in her wrists. After the cool numbness of before this was a shock and she gasped at the sudden pain. Next thing she experienced was a sound. Gentle, deep snores. She had no idea where they were coming from, but she heard them all the same.

Hermione Granger opened her eyes

She was confused by her surroundings, this wasn't her bed, this wasn't her room. She looked around to find the source of the snoring and saw Draco, curled up in an uncomfortable looking armchair. But what was he doing there? Where was she?

And that's when she remembered

The letter

The bathroom

The razor

The pain

She realised, with a jolt of anxiety, that she must be in St Mungo's.

But why? Why was she here? Shouldn't she be dead?

Was she really so pathetic that she couldn't even kill herself right?

Had Viktor been notified that she was here? What would he think? Worse! What would he do?

She had to get out of here, she had to escape before he came.

She tried to pull at the bandages on her wrists, but she wasn't strong enough. She tried to pull herself up from the bed but the pain from that tiny movement left her gasping and exhausted. She kicked her legs in frustration.

How weak, how pathetic, can't even get herself out of a hospital bed.

A gasp interrupted her fury and she turned to the source, looking straight into the, now very awake, fearful and relieved eyes of one Draco Malfoy.


	9. Sorry

_**Chapter 9 – Sorry**_

'...Hermione?' Draco whispered hesitantly, feeling like he must be dreaming

Her shock at seeing him curled up on an armchair next to her, seemed to be rendering her temporarily speechless.

'How...What...What's up?' He asked lamely, regretting the insensitive question the minute it left his lips.

She didn't seem offended though, in fact she snorted a little laugh at his discomfort and stupidity.

In a sudden movement that stunned Draco, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and attempted to get up

'Hermione, no... you need to rest you mustn't!' he fussed, rushing over to help her back into bed

'I'm getting out of her Draco' she barked back harshly, a slight scratchiness in her voice being the only sign of weakness 'I'm not staying here'

'Hermione' he started weakly, what on earth was she thinking? 'There is no way they are just going to let you walk out! Not after...'

'After what Draco?' she started at him imperiously, daring him to continue

'After...after...after how I found you...' he knew he was being weak, fuck he just didn't know what to say! What do you say to your ex-enemy whose near-dead body you found?

'So, it was you' she said with a glare 'it's your fault I'm here'

"My...my fault?' he was shocked now; he wasn't exactly expecting a thank you, but a little gratitude would be nice! 'You think it was easy for me? To see you like that. What the fuck Granger? I was trying to save you, what else was I meant to do, watch you bleed out?'

She was silent at that, examining the bandages on her wrists once more

'Granger, look, I'm not trying to be cruel. Just... just talk to me, please. What happened?'

There was a long pause then as she stared at her bandages. Draco wasn't even sure that she had heard him, but he waited. It seemed like hours before she finally spoke.

'What is it that you want Draco? Some kind of apology? I'm sorry that I bothered you, I'm sorry that I wasted everyone's time. You should have just left me there; it would have been kinder. I don't deserve this, this life. A life where I'm a silent accessory to my friend's fun. A life where I'm a weird stain on my family's life. A life where I'm so pathetic I can't even kill myself right. You don't get it. The things that have happened. There is no fixing me. There is no moving on. It's a peaceful death now, or a life full of this; this pain, this aching in my chest, this dust in my lungs, this tremor in my hands. None of it is going away. It would be a kindest, just to let me go, to the oblivion where I can be safe.'

There were hot tears falling from her face by the end of her little speech.

Draco had no idea what to do, what had happened to the little witch? This was not the Hermione Granger he had known for seven years at Hogwarts. Something had gone very very wrong. She had mentioned her parents and her friends, but nothing had changed since school with them surely? Otherwise why had Potter and Weasel been there every day pacing a whole in the rug. No, something was wrong. He had seen this before, hell, he had felt this before. The feeling when all the colour drains from your world, when everything seems dark and scary, without a friendly face in sight. For him, it had been when he had entered Voldemort's service. The torture, taunting and terror would lead anyone to lose their mind. But this, this was different, this wasn't from the war. This was personal, this was true heartbreak, total inner destruction.

He felt himself holding her before he was even truly conscious of it. His arms snaking around her shivering shoulders as he lowered himself on to the bed beside her.

'Granger, I never thought I would ever be able to say this, but you are wrong. You are loved, so loved. Potter, Weasel and Ginny have been here every day that you have, terrified with worry over you. Mrs Weasley even came with food to make sure we all ate; they were so distraught. I might not ever have liked them much Hermione, but I could see it in their eyes. They were broken without you. The only time they left was at night. I don't know what has happened to hurt you; but I know you can get through this, because you are Hermione fucking Granger. You are the strongest witch I've ever met. You didn't let Voldemort, Bellatrix or even me beat you down. You rose up from every fight, stronger and better than ever.'

She wasn't looking at him, so he gently cupped her chin and raised it so that their eyes meant, hoping that she would see then sincerity in his

'You are so needed in this world, Hermione. Your light shines so bright, don't darken the world by removing it from it. We need you; we all need you.'

She was searching his eyes, trying to find the lie, trying to find the trick or the dishonesty.

'Talk to me Granger, please. I will do anything I can to help you'

And so slowly, but surely, she began to talk. The little things at first; like her distance from her parents and how much of a burden she felt on her friends. But once she started talking, she found that she couldn't stop, it was pouring out of her like a tidal wave. Soon she was telling him everything, about Viktor, the rape, the letter, about the pain she had felt, the hopelessness she felt.

When she was done there were tears in Draco's eyes too, though he tried his best to shield them from her.

She was so strong. To survive something like that, to survive that pain, that betrayal and not immediately crumble, he had never respected her more. How fucking dare Krum. He would kill him. Draco would actually kill him. He would do the years in Azkaban, he didn't care, the bastard had to pay, he had to hurt.

Pushing the dark thought to a corner of his brain to peruse later, he held her closer, her head nestling under his chin.

'Thank you so much for telling me that Hermione. You are not weak; you are so strong I can't even tell you. Rest now, we will get through this together'.

They stayed in that position all night, and were still in that position the next day when Ginny, Potter and Weasley had come in.

Shocked to see she was awake, they immediately began to bombard her with questions, but Draco raised a hand to quiet them.

'She's resting now, she will talk to us when she is ready' Potter and Weasley made to argue but Ginny, seeming to understand, took both their hands

'Why don't we go get a cup of tea and let Mione wake up at her own pace?' she asked in a tone that invited no discussion

Shooting her a look of thanks he held Hermione closer to his chest.

He was going to help her, he was going to save here, no matter what it took.


	10. Little Bird

_**Hey lovelies, hope you are all coping ok! Just wanted to say that there is some really triggering stuff in this chapter so be careful! Hermione's description of her rape is in italics if anyone wants to skip it! Love you all xx**_

_**Chapter 10- Little Bird**_

The next few days were some of the hardest in Hermione's life. She had always been the reassurer among her friends, the one they came to for advice. She had never been the injured little bird before.

Telling Ginny, Harry and Ron had been torture. The horror and pain etched on their faces as she told them about her ordeal was something she would never forget. She hated that she was the one causing them this pain.

The thing that had gotten her through those explanations was strangely Draco. He had been a solid rock by her side; never interrupting, never asking questions, he was just there. It was strange to think that a boy who had caused her such pain as a child was now the only one holding her together.

She was told she would have to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks. The damage to her wrists, combined with her tiny and badly nourished body, let alone her mental state, would take some work to heal. She had screamed bloody murder when they told her. Why couldn't they just leave her alone? Why couldn't they just let her die? Draco had been the only one able to calm her, the only one she would listen to, the doctors stood stunned as he gently pulled her into his lap, whispering sweet nothings as he rocked her side to side.

Harry himself had gone to get Viktor. The note he had sent Hermione, combined with her mental state had been enough to make a formal arrest. The trail would have to be stalled until she was more stable and able to provide testimony about what had happened. They all knew it would be a long time before that happened. Even telling Harry, Ron, Ginny and Draco had sent her in a downward spiral.

*_The day Hermione woke up*_

'_Hermione' Harry was talking again, she wished he wouldn't, she wished they would all just leave. She didn't want them here, seeing her like this. It was just going to hurt them. She just wanted to disappear._

'_Hermione, you need to tell us what's going on. Please Hermione. We've been friends since we were kids...more than friends, you're the only sister I've got. You've been my family since we were 11, since I had nobody. Please Hermione, just talk to me'_

_She couldn't ignore that. The look in his eye, the tremor in his voice, it broke her heart. She knew she wasn't getting out of this. She knew she had to tell them._

'_It was about a month or so ago' She began slowly, not looking at anyone_

'_I...I went to Vi-Vi-my boyfriend's rental house because he had just come back from training. I was really excited...I guess so was he' She took a deep breath, trying to steady the panic that had rose in her when she almost said his name_

'_He-He started touching me...but I didn't want to be touched. And he was so-so angry with me, like had done something wrong, like there was something wrong with me. After a while he stopped and I thought it was over, I thought it was done and I could go home. But it wasn't over. He wasn't done' She was breathing hard now, and her hands started scratching at the bandages protecting her wrists. She wanted to stop, she didn't want to describe what had happened next, but she found that she couldn't. The words were spilling out of her lips, almost involuntarily. _

'_I just-I just wanted to watch the film. I just wanted a nice after-afternoon, but I was stupid. I left my wand in the car, I-I wasn't ready. I thought maybe he would kill me. Maybe he would just end it, I wish-I wish he had. But he didn't, pushed in and it hurt, it hurt so badly I felt like I was on fire. And I screamed and I cried but it just made it more fun for him. I just stared at the ceiling, waiting for it to be over, just hoping that the next hit would be the one that killed me. And now-and now he-he-he's not done, he-he wanted mo-more' she could no longer speak coherently, her breaths were short gasps and her eyes were glazed over. She felt like she was back there, like everything was happening all over again._

_Draco was the first to move. He grabbed her arms and tried to subdue her, tried to get her to breathe with him, tried to break through the wall she seemed to have built in her mind to seal herself off from them. _

_The others were dumbfounded. It was like they had all be smacked in the face. Harry sprinted over to the wastepaper bin and emptied his stomach, while Ron sat pale and white a look of terror on his face. Ginny looked as though she might faint, swaying slightly on her chair. _

In the end it took three healers and a strong sedative just to get her to breath normally again. She didn't speak for 3 days after that. It was like she was a zombie.

The healers decided to insert a feeding tube through her nose as she seemed unable to move, let alone eat and her body could not take another few days without nutrients. Even after Hermione came back to them, and the healers saw her reluctance to eat, the feeding tube remained.

Daily meetings with a mind healer also became part of Hermione's new routine. She was a kind older lady, with soft brown eyes and a kind smile. Her name was Healer Jenny. She was incredibly patient with Hermione, who refused point-blank to discuss her problems with a random stranger! They spent the first few session simply exchanging niceties such as discussing the weather and what music Hermione liked. Little by little Hermione began to trust the gray haired witch and began to give her little snippets of her life. They would talk about her childhood and the fun summer she had spent with her parents. They would talk about her early years at Hogwarts and the fun the Golden Trio would get up to. They would talk about her friends and how much she loved them. Jenny knew that there were gaping holes in what Hermione was telling her, she knew Hermione refused to go anywhere near the topics that were causing her such anguish; but she also knew, little by little, that she would soon get there.

Draco practically lived in the hospital. He often slept on the arm chair in her room, only going to his apartment when a stricter healer told him visiting times were over and it was time to leave. Harry and Ginny visited every day, usually accompanied by Ron. They all had made a silent agreement not to tell her anything of Viktor, or the screaming gaggle of press outside the hospital. Instead they spoke of other things, her treatments, the food, Teddy's latest escapades, their jobs and their families. She rarely contributed, usually staring blankly at the ceiling or curling up into a ball; but the noise was comforting. The fact that they were there was comforting. The fact that they didn't dismiss her as nuts and abandon her, was comforting.

And with their warm laughter around her, she wanted to die just a little bit less.

_**End note**_

_**Just wanted to add again. I know the shit I'm writing is hella triggering for some people so be safe. You are so wanted and needed on this earth, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. My PMs are always open for anyone who needs to talk. Just wanted to end this with a quote I really love from Sherlock.**_

_**Taking your own life. Interesting expression.**_

_**Taking it from who?**_

_**Once it's over, it's not you who will miss it.**_

_**Your own death is something that happens to everyone else.**_

_**Your life is not your own, so keep your hands off it.**_


	11. Without words

_**Hey lovelies, hope you are all safe! Sorry that it's been a while! Things have been a bit mental but I'm back now! Love you all xx**_

_**Chapter 11- Without Words**_

'How are we today?' Healer Jenny asked, perched on a chair next to Hermione's bed.

It was not the first time she had asked Hermione this question, yet every time she was unsure of how to respond.

How was she? Not bad she supposed, she'd stop trying to break the bandages on her wrists to finish her attempt. She no longer had to be supervised when she went to the bathroom and she had started eating small amounts when asked to. Did she still want to die? She wasn't sure. It certainly wasn't much of a life she was living nowadays. Everyone tip-toed around her, never sure what to say or how to act around her. Several times when Harry had been speaking to her about the outside world, Ginny had shot him a dark look clearly meant as a warning. Keep it light, keep it happy, we don't want her trying again.

Not that the actions of her friends annoyed her, no. She was endlessly grateful for their efforts, the continued love and support. She just wished they would treat her more normally and less like a tiny mouse who would run away if frightened.

Not knowing how to compile all these feelings into a sentence, she merely shrugged and Healer Jenny smiled at her.

'It's hard to find the words sometimes isn't it?'

'Yes' Hermione replied with a sad smile, it baffled her how Healer Jenny always seemed to understand what she was feeling, even without the presence of words.

'Will Draco be visiting later?' Healer Jenny asked

This change of direction surprised Hermione. Normally they would discuss her life, Hogwarts, The War, her relationship with her parents, her assault, never before had Healer Jenny mentioned Draco before, in fact Hermione was surprised that she remembered his name. He had only been discussed briefly in his position as her bully and a death eater in the war.

'He's upstairs in the café', Hermione couldn't help but smile as the words left her lips. Draco had been their everyday when she woke up and didn't leave until she was already asleep. He was always there, a constant force of support and comfort. He rarely spoke, except to offer words of comfort or when probed to discuss what was happening outside of St Mungo's. Usually he simply sat there, reading a book or watching her as she ate. He only left her side when she was in therapy, or when she was being examined; then he went upstairs to the café to have a coffee and something to eat.

'He's here a lot isn't he' probed Jenny 'You must be very close'

Hermione pondered this just as she had done the previous question. She supposed Draco and she were close now. Seeing someone lying in a pool of their own blood is just about as intimate as it gets.

When she relayed this opinion to Healer Jenny, she frowned slightly

'You think he did not care before then? If he didn't care for you, why would he have come looking for you? Broken down your door?'

She responded that she honestly didn't know, because they had never had a conversation about anything deeper than their jobs before that. She didn't even know why he had come looking for her or how he had found her address.

When Healer Jenny suggested that she ask him, Hermione thought that was rather a silly question; why did it matter why or how he had done it? Surely the point was that he had. But as she thought about it more she resolved to do it, it would be the first time she properly discussed her attempt with anyone other than Jenny. After the initial explanations of why she had taken to pretending it hadn't happened with Harry, Ron and Ginny. Maybe she ought to thank him. She wasn't sure if she was grateful yet, but she certainly didn't have the fury at him for saving her as she had when she had first woken up.

-/-

After Healer Jenny had left, she waited for Draco to return from the café, trying to figure out how best to phrase what she wanted to say. Before she had, had time to consider an opening, however, Draco had arrived, flask of coffee in one hand and a book under his arm. She realised, looking at him for the first time properly, how handsome he looked, even slightly dishevelled and unshaven from spending all his time on the ward with her.

A comfortable silence spread through the room as he sat in the chair Healer Jenny had just vacated, smiled at her and began to peruse his book.

'Draco' He looked up, clearly surprised

'Why did you come looking for me? When I... that night?' The words had left her lips before she had really realised what she was saying

He looked shocked at her question, but took time to ponder his answer all the same

When he spoke, it was with a slightly sheepish expression.

'You didn't come to the bar, that day... you came every day, at the same time. It just...it just didn't feel right. I know its weird, but something just felt off, so I am looking for you. I remembered your address from the night I put you in that cab and when I got there I heard you scream. It took me ages to break in, you have so many enchantments on that door, when I found you...I was... I was sure it was too late.' He looked embarrassed, but through his discomfort Hermione thought she could see genuine sadness on his face.

For the first time she imagined what it must have been like; to break down the door and find your former enemy, the girl he had watched his aunt torture, bleeding out on her bathroom floor. She imagined how frightened he must have been, how difficult it must have been waiting with Harry, Ron and Ginny and for the first time she was sorry she had tried to kill herself. She felt real regret watching his furrowed brow and the drooping corners of his lips.

'I just...I'm...I'm sorry' She managed, struggling to find the right words 'for doing that to you, for making you go through that and...I guess...thank you'

Once again his aristocratic features looked shocked as he tried to take in what she had just said to him. Never before had she expressed anything but anger at his attempt to save her life.

He found himself walking over to her and sitting on the bed

'Don't apologise' he said gently, tucking one of her curls behind her ear 'I would do it again in a heartbeat'

At his words she flung herself into his arms. As they lay there, entangled in each other, the world felt a tiny bit brighter.


	12. Baby Dragon

_**Chapter 12 – Baby Dragon**_

'Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?'

Ginny and Harry Potter were having the same conversation with their adoptive son that they had, had every day since Hermione had gone into hospital.

Trying to explain to an overexuberant three-year-old why he couldn't see his godmother was like trying to explain to a bird that it couldn't fly. Teddy, of course, did not know why his precious godmother was in the hospital, Harry and Ginny did not think depression, PTSD or suicide were things that a toddler should have to grasp and so they had merely told him that his 'Aunty Mione' wasn't well and was in the hospital.

They didn't want their son to see the woman he so worshiped like this; unresponsive, hysterical, self-loathing and despondent. They may be young parents, but they were pretty sure that, that was a recipe for disaster. Instead they had the same conversation with Teddy every single day, hoping that maybe one day he would give up and go to Mrs Weasley's without argument, but this was never the case.

However, it had been nearly a month since Hermione had entered the wizarding hospitals psychiatric ward and Harry had started to see some improvement in his best friend. She was nowhere near the perky, inquisitorial, feisty girl she used to be, but everyday seemed to be a step in the right direction. Would it maybe cheer Hermione up a little to see Teddy? Would his childlike optimism and naivety put a smile or her face? Or would it be too much pressure? Harry did not want to be the one to cause his best friend to go into another downward spiral, but in his opinion the possible benefits of bringing Teddy far outweighed the risks.

He gave his wife a significant look. She seemed to understand him completely as she led the little boy into the sitting room and sat him down on the sofa.

'Ok Teddy, Mummy and Daddy need to talk to you about some things first and then if you are a very good and brave boy, Mummy and Daddy will take you to see Aunty Mione, ok?'

The little boy nodded, looking stunned that he hadn't been told no. Ginny looked at Harry, not knowing quite what to say to prepare the little boy for what he might see.

'Ok Teddy' started Harry, gently 'Remember that Mummy and I told you that Aunty Mione has been very poorly in the hospital? Well the reason she is poorly is because she has...an illness...in her head. The illness makes Aunty Mione very sick and sad and so she is in a special hospital for people who have these illnesses. If you come to the hospital I need you to be a really good boy and stay close to Mummy and Daddy, you need to be extra quiet because we don't want to disturb the poorly people. Ok?'

Teddy nodded vehemently; he was so excited! He loved going to see his Aunty, she always read him stories and taught him really big, fancy words; he hoped she wouldn't be too poorly to give him a cuddle and a word of the day!

'One more thing Teddy my sweet' his attention turned back to him mummy

'Aunty Mione has been poorly for a while now so we need to make sure that we are nice and gentle with her ok?'

Teddy nodded again, 'Can I bring my new book to show Aunty Mione? The one with the dragon? I think she would really like it!'

Both Harry and Ginny smiled at the excited little boy, 'Of course you can' responded Harry 'Run upstairs and get it quickly and then we can go'

The little boy shot up the stairs as Ginny went to the fireplace to tell her mum that she wouldn't need to watch Teddy that day.

-/-

Hermione was lying in her hospital bed reading a book. It was a new one that Draco had bought her, 'Le Petit Prince'. Hermione had read the English version but reading it in the original French was very different. She was finding it helpful to have something to stimulate her mind, it helped her stay in the present. Flicking through the pages, occasionally diving for a dictionary, almost reminded her of her Hogwarts day, translating ancient runes.

Harry and Ginny were late that day, normally they arrived just after 10 having dropped Teddy at Mrs Weasley's, however it was gone 11 now.

Hermione wondered if perhaps they had decided not to come. Perhaps they were bored of spending their days sat with her in a mental hospital. Perhaps they had dropped her as a lost cause, Hermione couldn't say she would blame them if they did.

She had felt that she had been making some improvement though. She had finally had her feeding tube removed the other day and was managing to eat nearly all the food that was put in front of her. She was able to remain lucid for much longer and was experiencing less daytime flashbacks and panic attacks. Night was a whole other story. Even a month into her treatment her dreams were plagued by Viktor; every now and again Bellatrix or Voldemort would pop up too. Every dream ended with her waking screaming and crying, ripping at her skin with her nails; but every time, without fail, Draco was there. He soothed and rocked her, he held her hands to stop her hurting herself, he even sang to her every now and again.

As she thought about this, she watched him as he sat in his armchair, also reading. His elegant face concentrating completely on his book. Even if she didn't have Ginny and Harry, she would at least have Draco.

Just as this thought crossed her mind, there was a knock at the door and she and Draco both looked up.

'Come in' Hermione called

The door opened, and next thing Hermione knew she was lying flat on her bed, pushed down by the weight of the tiny person hugging her tightly

'Aunty Mione!' Teddy shouted 'Aunty Mione I've missed you SO much! Are you feeling better? Are the healers giving you medicine for your brain illness? I got a new book! Can we read it together? Do you have any new words to teach me?'

Teddy finally stopped his little outburst, when his dad gently tapped him on the shoulder

'Um Teddy? What did we talk about at home?'

The little boy looked a little guilty 'oh yeah...no shouting and being gentle...sorry Daddy. I'm just so excited to see Aunty Mione!'

'It's alright my little treasure' Hermione beamed at him 'I missed you too and I am VERY excited to see you!'. Hermione adored her little godson; he was a shining little light; capable of producing a smile on even the sternest face. She grinned widely at Harry and Ginny, hoping they understood just how grateful she was that they had brought him.

Then She caught Draco's face out of the corner of her eye, he looked shocked, like someone had just hit him with a bat. She couldn't believe she had forgotten. Teddy was Draco's cousin. This was probably the first time he had ever seen him.

'Teddy' she said gently, looking into his shining face 'there is someone very very important I want you to meet. This (she indicated Draco) is your cousin, Draco. Your grandma 'Dromida was his mummy's sister.'

Suddenly shy, Teddy turned to look at his cousin, his big eyes widened as he studied him. He whispered something in Hermione's ear and when she smiled, nodding encouragingly, he slid off the bed and approached the chair where Draco was sitting.

'Hi' he started timidly 'my name is Teddy'

Draco looked at the little boy, a smile appearing on his normally serious face

'Hi Teddy, I'm Draco and it is very very nice to meet you, I've wanted to for a very long time'

Teddy smiled widely, all shyness disappearing

'Are you friends with my Aunty Mione?' he asked

Draco considered this for a moment. 'Yes' he decided 'I am friends with your Aunty Mione'

'Draco saved my life Teddy, when I was very poorly' said Hermione gently

Smiling again, Teddy climbed on to a very shocked Draco's knee and gave him a bone crushing hug

'Thank you' he whispered in Draco's ear 'I love my Aunty very much'

'Anytime' Draco whispered back, wrapping an arm around the little boy to hug him back

Hermione felt a tear run down her cheek as she watched the adorable scene

'Hermione are you alright' asked Draco, clearly concerned

'Oh no, Daddy I made Aunty Mione sad! Did I do something wrong?' Teddy asked, clearly horrified to see his godmother upset

'No my little one you did nothing wrong! I'm just happy that's all! These are happy tears!'

Draco slid an arm around her as Teddy climbed back onto her bed with his new book. Teddy lay in between as they took it in turns read a page of his beloved dragon story each.

Ginny looked at the couple, thinking how lovely they looked together, especially with the little blonde head between them. She realised that this was the happiest she had seen her friend in a very long time, even before she had come to the hospital. Draco was a big part of that happiness, and Ginny decided to all she could encourage this new friendship and hopefully, help it become something more.


End file.
